|
| Thursday, January 05, 2006 |
| Things to do in Nakumatt |
Do you wake up feeling just plain crazy? Here are some ideas on how to let off steam at your local supermarket:
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Wee Kamu"
10. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
11. Tune all the radios to a kiuk station; then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Start dancing out of tune, throwing yourself at every person.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
15. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire supermarket as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "NYUKI!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
35. While knives in the Kitchen department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
41. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
42. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles
53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
55. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. |
posted by Sammie @ 3:03 PM  |
|
| 8 Comments: |
-
Is this an original?
I'm slightly tipsy, so you can imagine the effect it had on me.
I had to RUN to the bathroom. You killed me.
Anyway, if you supplemented/replaced Nakutmatt for an equivalent in the UK/US, that's fine with me. The image of my mothers friends in Nakumatt more than makes up for it.
-
Wat u think mzakai? it cracked me up, n i thought some of these suggestions could actually be done in Nakumatt!!
Thanx anyways
-
LOL! the tampon one... he he he he.....
-
Number 47 sounds like a plan:-)
-
You've made an otherwise v. hard day, a bit better! Atleast I'll not run over any pedestraians or touts on my way home after work today:) I'm sure they thank you!
-
this one floored me! LOOOOOOOL Thanks and thanks for coming by my blog>
-
thanks for passing by my place.
Do you REALLY want to do any of these things, crunk and disorderly you will be!! LOL
-
Eh if you came up with all those by yourself, I'm very worried about your...eh...state of mind!!!!
Thanks for stopping by mine!
|
| |
| << Home |
| |
|
|
|
| About Me |
|
Name: Sammie
Home: Nairobi, Kenya
About Me: Definitely not your average Jack. Love God, music, challenges and fun. Not as young as i would wish but not as old as you'd expect. Ha!
See my complete profile
|
| Previous Post |
|
| Archives |
|
| Links |
|
| Template by |
 |
|
Is this an original?
I'm slightly tipsy, so you can imagine the effect it had on me.
I had to RUN to the bathroom. You killed me.
Anyway, if you supplemented/replaced Nakutmatt for an equivalent in the UK/US, that's fine with me. The image of my mothers friends in Nakumatt more than makes up for it.